Really Weird Stuff
by padfoot71635
Summary: Like the title says. A lot of really weird AU stuff that my cousins and- I mean that this fanfiction author- that I wrote. It was definetly just me. padfoot71635 Yeah. It's just written in first person. It's not like we actually exist. Oh look! I'm runni
1. Prologue

Prologue

I am not from your universe. No, I am not a Vulcan, a god, or a shimmering unicorn that can talk. I'm a wizard, actually. I am what my friends and I like to call a Rowling-wizard. But I am not Harry Potter, James Potter, Sirius Black, or any of the many Weasleys. I'm not even from that universe. There are many fan theories and beliefs. Therefore, I am from a universe where Severus Snape was never in love with Lily Potter, Sirius Black has children, and George Weasley hates cats. I'm not going to tell you who I am, why I'm doing this, or even what I'm doing. All I'll tell you is that I'm in this story. Try and guess. You know what, I'll give you a hint: I have red hair.


	2. Chapter 1: Minny

A/N: I wrote the huge paragraph in the middle when I was tired so sorry if it's weird and goes nowhere.

P.S. About the summary. My idiot cou- I mean I also wrote that when I was tired. Made ya curious though didn't it. :)

Chapter 1: Minny

It was my first day at Hogwarts. I'd been planning for weeks. You know, the clothes I would wear (school robes), the books I would read (Muggle fiction!), and the friends I would make (none). Now this…. This was not what I planned.

"Bo! Let go of me!"

"Don't leave me here with these horribly uneducated people!'

That is my little brother. He's two.

"Stupid genius brother!"

"'Stupid genius' is an oxymoron, my dear."

That was not my brother. That was my red-haired uncle Gideon.

"Fabe!" shouted Gid.

"What," my dad groaned.

"Wook at how coot da kiddies are." He bent down and ruffled Bo's hair.

As I said before, my brother's two. He's also a literal genius. You know, IQ of a 1,000,006. He has Mum's black hair, and Dad's blue eyes, like me. He IS adorable, just annoying. You know, on purpose.

My uncle's only 29. As I said before, he has red hair. He also inherited my dad's eyes. I'm told they got them from their father's side. He laughs easily. He's also a real sweetheart and when he smiles he looks like an angel. You know something? I almost feel sorry for the Death Eaters he kills. They expect fierce and gruesome and what they get is wide-eyed and innocent. At that point they're laughing to hard to notice the curse flying towards them.

Well, I said kill, but most of the Aurors in my family try to leave them alive. Most.

My dad walked in. Bo quickly let go of my legs and stood up.

"Minny," he started, "where's-"

"My trunk? The boys are bringing it down."

My mother glided in. You know, it's hard to believe she was ever a pureblood. I mean, she's married to a blood traitor. She has black hair, gray eyes, and a certain knack for making everything she does graceful. You know, another thing that's hard to believe is the fact that she birthed four children. And Emery only last year.

She smiled at me. "You're going to end up just like you father."

Gid shook his head. "It's so sad."

Mum threw back her head and laughed. She was still laughing when she picked Emery up and handed her to my uncle.

Emery is the youngest of us kids. She has a special bond with Gid. Dad says she's a lot like him, and she inherited his smile. It's too early to tell anything else, but I believe Dad he's always right.

"I'm insulted!" pouted my dad. Mum stopped laughing, walked over, and kissed him.

That's something I like about the adults in my life. (Not the kissing that's disgusting.) They're not afraid to laugh at or make fun of each other in front of us. It's very entertaining.

We heard grunts and pants coming from the left staircase. Then screams and curse words.

Apparently, my sister decided that if Sirius and Orion were going to take my trunk down (as well as their own) they may as well take hers, too. Then Sirius came up with a great idea-that he and Orion should take down all four at once. Then my sister (really, she's a genius *rolls eyes*) figured they could carry her down. Sirius, being Sirius, decided that he would carry his trunk in his left hand, Orion would carry his in his left, and they would each take a handle of mine with their other hands. Ginny's trunk would go on top of that, and Ginny would sit on the two trunks. Now you'll probably remember from basic anatomy class that humans have two arms, and that attached to those two arms are two hands. Not three. Sirius and Orion didn't have any arms left to hold Ginny's trunk on top of mine. It slipped off, with her still on top of it. If that wasn't bad enough, my trunk got caught on her head causing the twins to stumble. You know, stumbling on stairs is never a good idea. So they all fell down.

Mrs. Black chose that moment to walk in. "You'll all be late if we don't- What is going on here Orion Alphard and Sirius Lee!"

Which caused everyone to giggle.

"Mum!" whined Sirius, stretching it into two syllables

"It was Sirius' idea!" blurted Orion.

Scout rolled her eyes. "Let's hope that didn't wake your father up."

"When are you taking us to King's Cross?" I asked.

Scout looked at me blankly.

Gid groaned. "I told Ally to tell Regulus to tell Sirius to tell you that you were in charge of taking the kids this year."

There was a loud bang as Mrs. Johnson-Snape strode in and slammed the door. "Ally told me to tell Scout that she was in charge of taking the kiddies, but I forgot."

Scout glowered at her. "I'm not dressed! And I haven't eaten!"

Aunty Abby grinned. "Relax, I'll handle it!" She turned to look at us "kiddies." "Eaten?"

I nodded, trying to smother a laugh. You know, with a name like Johnson-Snape you picture an angry woman with greasy hair and a hatred of Gryffindors. But Aunty Abby is exactly the opposite. She's the first ever Muggle-born Slytherin-and proud of it. Her dark red hair is her best feature, and her deep green eyes are the perfect accent. She loves other redheads.

I actually know a lot of people with red hair.

Anyway, Abby turned to look at Gid and Emery. She raised her hand and said "Redheads!" Gid saluted her, then turned to the kitchen.

"Mum?" called a voice from the door. It was Ryan, Abby's son. He looks just like her (including the red hair), and would be going to Hogwarts next year.

"You should leave before Freddie and Georgie wake up," called Gid from the kitchen.

"Well come on then, you heard the man, let's get going!" shouted Abby as she raced out the door.

Sirius, Rion, and I exchanged a Look, the one where you raise your eyebrows and look surprised in a scared sorta way.

"Are you sure it's safe for her to drive?" Rion asked hesitantly,

"Sure, sure," said my dad. Then, seeing the look on my face added, "Oh c'mon! Where's your sense of adventure?"

I grimaced. "Don't think I have one."

Dad smirked. "You'll find it at Hogwarts."

Then my sister, Rion, Sirius, and I sullenly got our trunks (miraculously, none of them had popped open during what would come to be called "What Happens When the Black Twins and the Unsmart Prewett Are Left Alone"), walked out the door, and got into Abby's car.

A/N: I can't guarantee that all of the chapters will be as long as m- as this one. But we'r- I mean I think I'll update every Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.


	3. Chapter 2: Fred

Chapter 2: Fred

"Fred, wake up."

I rolled over.

"Fred."

I growled. After about 30 seconds I relaxed. He was gone.

"Guess I'm going to Hogwarts without you!" he called in a sing-song voice.

I was up in 3 seconds flat. Then started, surprised by my surroundings (I was in the field), and groaned. "The sun isn't even up yet!"

"If Mum found out we were here-"

"Why are we here? I'm pretty sure I fell asleep in my bed last night!"

George rolled his eyes. "You were sleepwalking!"

"I don't sleepwalk!"

"Yes you do!"

"Do not!"

"Do-"

"Ha! You can't say that I do!'

When George and I were eight we promised each other that we wouldn't get into fights like that because there's never a real winner.

"I could give examples!" he retorted.

I humphed.

"Well, there was that time you sleepwalked on the roof-" he started.

"I don't remember that!" I interrupted.

"You were asleep."

Before I could think of a comeback, George started walking away. I hurried to catch up.

According to George, I'd sleep-opened the window, sleep-crawled out of the house, sleep-climbed to the ground, and then sleepwalked over the hill.

"Still don't know why I had to get up so early," I groused.

George looked at me incredulously. "You're soaking wet!"

I humphed again.

George sighed. "You can go back to bed after you get into some dry clothes."

Grinning, I took off running. "Race you to the house!"

* * *

><p>An hour later, I was woken a second time. This time my brother only had to say one word: breakfast. I ran downstairs and grabbed a piece of toast and a plate. As we piled food on our plates, our (<span>red-haired<span>) brothers and redheaded sister, Ginny, rushed to get downstairs before all the food was gone.

Mum (who's also a redhead) explained "the plan" to us. Charlie, Percy, George, and I were going to get dressed and pack. Then we would all get in the car and Dad (red!) would drive us to King's Cross. Simple enough. But I'd seen enough to know that that was the plan every year, and that every year that plan failed. Last year Charlie forgot his book on dragons. We probably would have left the book at the Burrow, but then we realized we'd forgotten Percy.

Packing took forever. We didn't want to leave any of our joke stuff behind in case Mum and Dad wanted to clean our room while w


	4. Chapter 3: George

Chapter 3: George

My idiot brother is a terrible and idiotic writer. The first thing he neglected to mention was that I had to sleep outside because he sleepwalks. The second thing he neglected to mention was that he nearly woke up the whole house with his complaining. The third thing he neglected to mention was the fact that we both have _red hair_.


	5. Chapter 4: MEP

Chapter 4: M.E.P.

Since my cousins are too busy arguing to contribute to the writing of this fanfic, I have been forced to entertain you.

Once upon a time there were 12 siblings, six boys and six girls. Their names were Aimé, Georges, Danielle, Fleur, Odette, Alexandre, Eleanor, Tristan, Louis, Zoe, Henri, and Sc- uh, Dominique. Then they were all kissed by Demen- uh, Reapers.

Remember that, it'll be important later.


	6. Chapter 5: Fred

Chapter 5: Fred

Sorry about that.

Anyway, after we packed all of our Dungbombs and fireworks we barely had any room for our clothes. So we figured that since in Potions you usually work with a partner, we'd only need one cauldron. After that it all fit.

We piled into the Ford Anglia about 15 minutes later. We were fine until we reached the interstate. Apparently, Charlie had forgotten his broom.

By the time we got there half the students had already boarded.

I couldn't help but overhear some people talking near the train.

"Minny, your father told me to tell you to 'get your nose out of those books and make some friends,'" said a pretty young lady with red hair.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever."

"Eileen, your brother and I will be staying at Hogwarts after Christmas."

"I know! You've told me a thousand times!" a girl with greasy hair and a biggish nose growled.

A red-haired boy threw his arms around her. "See you Leen. Tell Dad I said hi."

"I will," Eileen said, almost affectionately.

"Fred, c'mon! We'll miss the train!" called George.

I froze as they all whipped around to look at me. As I wasn't really sure what I was supposed to do, I waved and ran away dragging my trunk behind me.


	7. Chapter 6: Abigail

Chapter 6: Abigail

My honorary nieces and nephews had an interesting first year. And I can trace it all back to something Minny said right before she got on the train: "That kid looks just like my dad."

A/N: I will not pretend to be padfoot71635! I am Abigail Johnson-Snape, daughter, sister, wife, and mother! My fellow Misfits and I started a fanfiction account, and decided to post our story through the lives of our children. I hope you have fun reading it!


	8. Chapter 7: Professor McGonagall

Chapter 7: Professor McGonagall

I remember the first year I taught Second Generation Misfits. It was 1987, the same year I got Percy Weasley. Neither of them were in my house but I've heard stories from Filius and Severus.

I remember the first time I taught them, Audrey Reynold-Mason and Eileen Johnson-Snape. As Miss Reynold-Mason would say "freak disaster.

It was their first year and I had a double Transfiguration with the Ravenclaws and Slytherins. I never thought two girls from different houses could be so close.

Eileen is very similar to her father. She has his greasy hair, beady eyes and hooked nose. Yet she manages to put up with Miss Reynold-Mason.

Audrey looks very similar to her mother, Leslie Mason, but I'm told her blue eyes are from her father's side.

I've never met the infamous Lesley Reynold (he's a Muggle, but when his future wife and their friends were at Hogwarts he found a way to sneak in) but I've heard things from other teachers. He moved to Rosegood, England from a small town in Tennessee when he was seven. He still has not lost his accent which his daughter "inherited."

But I digress. The point is, Eileen and Audrey are two very different people.

I should have known something would go wrong the moment Audrey shouted "Hey ya'll! Eileen and me have a class together! Ain't it cool!" I made sure to sit them on opposite sides of the room, for Severus had had them earlier in the week. They had talked the entire time and distracted the other students with their outrageous tales.

It was their first Transfiguration lesson and I was teaching the students to turn a match into a needle like I did every year. Usually only one or two students out of all the first years manages to completely transfigure the match. Audrey was that student.

About halfway through the lesson she called out, "Look ya'll! I did it!" She rushed over to Eileen and almost poked her in the eye with her new needle.

"That's awesome Audrey," she said in a monotone, the edges of her mouth twitching upwards.

"I made Leen smile!"

Before I could restore calm, a burly Slytherin, Marcus Flint, reached over and snatched Audrey's needle. That's when all hell broke loose.

"Give it back!"

"Why should I, Mudblood," he sneered.

In a flash, Eileen and leaned over and twisted his ear. Hard. Several of Flint's huge friends grabbed her and held her arms behind her back. Then Audrey set half my classroom on fire with her accidental magic. All of this happened in less than 30 seconds.

Anyway, my point is, teaching Misfits is always an adventure. But I had no idea what I was in for the year thetwins arrived.


	9. Chapter 8: Barron

Chapter 8: Barron

So far, there are 13 choices as to who our mysterious prologue author is. They are:

Gideon Prewett

Abigail Johnson-Snape

Ryan Johnson-Snape

Bill Weasley

Charlie Weasley

Percy Weasley

Ron Weasley

Ginny Weasley

Molly Weasley

Arthur Weasley

Fred Weasley

George Weasley

Fabian Prewett

Take your pick. Or not. I don't really care, they're paying me to do this.

A/N: Sorry the updates were late. We weren't expecting the secret to be given away so soon, and even if we had we certainly wouldn't have suspected Abby. I thought it'd be Fred, but nooo. Now I owe *censored* 8 galleons! Should have known better than to make a bet with a *censored*. That last chapter was supposed to be a filler to work in at any point in the story, but *censored* said we had to use it early. Oh, and he said we should start putting this in.

Disclaimer: We don't own Harry Potter... However *censored* is responsible for its creation.


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